Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Follow @tfln
Cracked IndieClick Humor