At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine