How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.