How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.