Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Follow @tfln