so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.