I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.