I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.