Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.