Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I deserve this hangover.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.