million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.