omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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