i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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