Texts From Last Night

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.

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(865): I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on. http://tfl.nu/71nz

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(206): View more from Washington

We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.

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(206): We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face. http://tfl.nu/gmb1

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(906): View more from Michigan

Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.

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(906): Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too. http://tfl.nu/qk1z

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.

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(484): he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended. http://tfl.nu/6aj3

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(928): View more from Arizona

I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.

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(928): I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready. http://tfl.nu/c6az

Replies (4) Good night (73) Bad night (23) Order T-Shirt
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.

(1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

Wait. Someome brought slutcake?

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(403): Christ, I really took the slutcake last night. (1-403): Wait. Someome brought slutcake? http://tfl.nu/hkv2

Replies (2) Good night (77) Bad night (23) Order T-Shirt
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(320): View more from Minnesota

I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face

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(320): I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face http://tfl.nu/yj9t

Replies (4) Good night (93) Bad night (28) Order T-Shirt
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(816): View more from Missouri

I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.

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(816): I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey. http://tfl.nu/ef3v

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.

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(508): There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him. http://tfl.nu/gfad

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(541): View more from Oregon

THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS

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(541): THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS http://tfl.nu/c3uu

Replies (12) Good night (840) Bad night (107) Order T-Shirt
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(650): View more from California

It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.

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(650): It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag. http://tfl.nu/hxfk

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(303): View more from Colorado

I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?

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(303): I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream? http://tfl.nu/tu1k

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(419): View more from Ohio

The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.

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(419): The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child. http://tfl.nu/ltf5

Replies (12) Good night (210) Bad night (907)
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(949): View more from California

I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.

(702): View more from Nevada

It's like the whiskey god was watching over you

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(949): I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id. (702): It's like the whiskey god was watching over you http://tfl.nu/wgp4

Replies (6) Good night (1097) Bad night (114)
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(210): View more from Texas

you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.

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(210): you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug. http://tfl.nu/nztu

Replies (7) Good night (940) Bad night (91) Order T-Shirt

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