When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper