Who put my cat in the fridge?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE