Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.