I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..