he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
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you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"