he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it