Texts From Last Night

Last Night in New York (718)

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  (718): View more from New York

  he told me my vagina needed a tic tac

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  (718): he told me my vagina needed a tic tac http://tfl.nu/0ll3
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  I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

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  (718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl
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  you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...

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  (718): you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water... http://tfl.nu/djs2
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  He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.

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  (718): He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise. http://tfl.nu/c0nn
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  Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.

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  (718): Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't. http://tfl.nu/3gl0
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  My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.

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  (718): My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life. http://tfl.nu/tfvf
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  Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.

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  (718): Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night. http://tfl.nu/a8sl
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  you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"

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  (718): you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD" http://tfl.nu/zg6m
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  We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.

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  (718): We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate. http://tfl.nu/1mwi
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  i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.

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  (718): i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined. http://tfl.nu/aopw
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  you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"

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  (718): you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass" http://tfl.nu/foy3
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  its my first week of college and i have a UTI

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  not easy being a whore now is it

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  (646): its my first week of college and i have a UTI (718): not easy being a whore now is it http://tfl.nu/tyxw
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  you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.

  (917): View more from New York City

  i told you we never speak of that again

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  (718): you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something. (917): i told you we never speak of that again http://tfl.nu/ijex
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  One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"

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  (718): One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk" http://tfl.nu/wyyx
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  You don't think I'm weird or immature right?

  (917): View more from New York City

  No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets

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  (718): You don't think I'm weird or immature right? (917): No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets http://tfl.nu/6cpc
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