Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.