Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.