please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.