you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?