Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Even the bartender felt bad for me
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk