and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?