My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has