wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.