I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.