I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job