I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.