period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.