2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't