you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor