Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (925)

Last Night in California (925)

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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it

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(925): I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it http://tfl.nu/75u1

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im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?

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(925): im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going? http://tfl.nu/wvih

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Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you

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(925): Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you http://tfl.nu/oly8

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Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday

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(925): Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday http://tfl.nu/d2se

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Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.

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(925): Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious. http://tfl.nu/2nhd

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The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves

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(925): The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves http://tfl.nu/ye71

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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.

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(925): I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard. http://tfl.nu/47cs

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is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?

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(925): is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong? http://tfl.nu/a78d

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Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.

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(925): Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back. http://tfl.nu/vsft

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Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.

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(925): Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen. http://tfl.nu/fkde

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At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.

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(925): At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night. http://tfl.nu/1jxg

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curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.

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(925): curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high. http://tfl.nu/vy6k

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DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

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(925): DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR http://tfl.nu/ynfk

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Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?

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(925): Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of? http://tfl.nu/w46i

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2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.

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(925): 2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing. http://tfl.nu/jq9y

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Last Night in California (925)

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