normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.