Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"