dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.