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drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
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