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Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
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