Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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