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I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
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