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I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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