I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
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Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
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I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me