Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i came on her dog
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.