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So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
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