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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
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