Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
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it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.