Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
