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This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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