you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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