I'm so fucking centered right now
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
