I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
