I think im going to throw up on grandma
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
