I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
