Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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