sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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