She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
