hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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