i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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