hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize