I look better un-naked...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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