Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ttyl tear gas
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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