My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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