so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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