I just threw up on my dentist
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
