i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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