zippers are such a cool invention
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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